Family Reunion

3/26/10

I guess you’ve probably already heard every fat joke there is to hear. Especially if your fat and are paranoiac enough to believe that everyone of them are pointed directly at you. HAVE FAITH. This is for fat people anywhere and especially for me. I am truly paranoiac so yes, I know they are all throwing their darts straight at my plump little dart board.

Well, well, well, here we go again. Trying to reach a goal of  20 lbs off before Reunion Time. Of course, everybody understands when it is time to go to the Reunion of a Family, just how cruel Family can be about the ‘changes’ that are taking place over time. Loss of looks, loss of hair, loss of ‘you name it, you probably got it,’

If one has put on 20 lbs it begins to show, no more lose fitting clothes, everything seems to be TOO tight fitting, AND WE ARE DESPERATELY IN NEED OF ANOTHER SOLUTION THAN JUST WALKING AROUND NUDE CAUSE CLOTHES ARE JUST TOO UNCOMFORTABLE.

And if one is lucky enough to be able to afford a whole new wardrobe, we buy clothes that fit us, but show our rolls of fat, which we grow to hate. We hate the way we look, hate the way others look, just pretty much hate everything in general. But if we try to hide the fat under lose fitting clothes, then HOW AWESOME, WE LOOK, JUST LIKE A TENT OR MOO MOO GOT LOOSE AND PLANTED ITSELF UPON OUR FRAMES.

Now how you gonna meet people after you’ve gained weight. It is quite odd that we have to be subjected to the usual, “your getting fat, fatter and fattest, ain’t you.” But there is no where else, that it is so obvious as the place, where we only see someone ‘once a year.’ Oh my, what a trip, one I would rather not take under any circumstances.

For at least the people we see all the time, got time to become ‘acclimatized’ to the ‘NEWEST VISITORS OF THE FAT DEPARTMENT’, AND ABOUT ALL THEY DO, IS WAG THEIR HEADS AT SUCH, SLOVENLY PEOPLE, THAT HAPPEN TO WANT SPACE, ON THIS HERE EARTH TOO.

Like man, that is reason enough to go on a diet, when we are faced with having to buy two tickets on a plane so that we don’t overload the engine and cause the plane to go down because we can’t stop putting food in our mouths. Besides that two tickets are quite costly, anyway. We’d rather stand around and hollow to everybody we know, ‘I AIN’T REALLY THAT FAT, SILLY!’

People, there is only one way to lose weight, that is, “EAT LESS THAN WE MOVE, & CHANGE WHAT YOU EAT.” Now I am going to say here, I have tried to lose the same 20 lbs for over a year now. I was a tub of lard at the last years reunion. But I hid it well with lose clothes, vests, and bright colors. They can’t get through the colors to find you, it confuses their black and white brain cells. I was just ‘fooling me,’ I’d lose then eat, lose then eat, lose then eat. You get the picture. NOTE EVEN CLOSE TO SERIOUS. I LOVED EATING MORE THAN CHANGE>>>>!!!??

But here I am, two months away from REUNION TIME, MAY 30, 2010, and I have finally gotten SERIOUS ABOUT MY WEIGHT LOSS, AND I INTENDED TO CHANGE IT, SO I HAVE LOSS 3 LB IN ONE WEEK. A TOTAL OF 7 LB SINCE I STARTED THIS WEIGHT LOSS PROGRAM 6 WEEKS AGO. THIS HAS BEEN HARDER FOR ME THAN CLIMBING ANY MOUNTAIN, ANY MAN OR WOMAN CAN CLIMB, TO ANY HEIGHT THEY WANT TOO. THEY GET ACCOLADES ALL THE TIME. EVEN GET MENTIONED IN HISTORY BOOKS.....

WHEN PEOPLE LOSE WEIGHT, DON’T THEY DESERVE AN HONORABLE MENTION IN THE HISTORY BOOKS? I SAY AGAIN, “WHEN PEOPLE LOSE WEIGHT THEY DESERVE AN HONORABLE MENTION IN THE HISTORY BOOKS TOO!!!”

MAN, WHAT ABOUT ME? 20LBS OFF OUGHT TO BE WORTH AN HONORABLE MENTION, SOMEWHERE, BUT WE ALL KNOW, ALAS, THIS IS NOT THE CASE. WE NEED TO BUY OUR OWN BLUE RIBBON AND HANG IT ON OUR OWN WALL, AND SHOW EVERYBODY WHO ENTERS THE DOMAIN OF OUR DOORS. SEE WHAT I DID!!!!!

I LOST 3 LBS THIS WEEK. PAT ME ON THE BACK, BRAG ABOUT ME, WHATEVER. BUT JUST DON’T REWARD ME, BY TAKING ME TO THE ICE CREAM PARLOR AND BUYING ME A ‘HOT FUDGE SUNDAY.’ CAUSE THAT’S LIKE BUYING AN ALCHOHOLIC, A BOTTLE OF SCOTCH. And from the looks of my History, I have already been rewarding myself in that very manner..

JUST SAY, “GOOD JOB, NINA, YOU GONNA LOOK REAL GOOD IN TWO MONTHS.” JUST 13 MORE LBS TO GO.

WON’T MY FAMILY BE SO PROUD OF ME???

AND IF YOU SAY, YEA BUT, YOU ONLY GOT 20 LBS TO LOSE, WHAT ABOUT ME? I GOT >>>>>>>>>this many lbs to lose, don’t you understand?

Well, I do understand, it went on slow and it’s coming off slow. But since I am world class on giving advise, I won’t change that aspect of my personality.

THIS IS ALL I GOT TO SAY TO YOU! DIVIDE 20 INTO WHATEVER WEIGHT YOU NEED TO LOSE, TAKE THAT NUMBER, WHICH SHOULD BE, REAL SMALL, AND PLAY AROUND WITH IT. Look at it, hang it on your wall, wash that Elephant one bit at a time.  A BIT, LOOKS REAL GOOD COMPARED TO THE TOTAL.

As my Greek teacher(Internet) tells me, how do you wash an Elephant, one bit at a time. How do you learn Greek? One bit at a time. AND THE FIRST STEP IS ALWAYS THE HARDEST!!!I am well into my 3rd year learning Greek and Hebrew and Spanish!!!YES, IT CAN BE DONE CAUSE I AM DOING IT. BUT I HAD TO TAKE THAT FIRST STEP TIMES 3.

SEE YA AT THE FAMILY REUNION!!!

Love Nina 

Later more later