Monday, March 29, 2010

Look Up

When one has a horrendously, terrible, no good can come of this, strangely bad for me, truly, awful day, complete, without pleasure, or not even feeling good, once. A day like this, what can one do? Well I will tell you what I was made to do on two very unconnected days, one bad, one good.

It is a sad indictment on my part, when I have to wait to be made to do, what I should be doing on a daily basis, when things start turning out  all wrong, and you can't figure out how you got, where you are, or things are truly wonderful and exciting, and you still can't figure out what you did to deserve, all of this 'good stuff.'

First I guess I have to explain what these two days were, that brought me to the above conclusion. I was subbing when a High School'er, came out of the classroom and tackled me as I was walking to the bathroom, hit my arm and body and knocked me flat on my back. Pain knew no bounds. I was speechless, Pain washed over my body and wracked me all over, but it felt like my arm was knocked into my arm socket. It had displaced ligaments that I didn't even know I had.

The lady Nun standing over me was telling me to get up, now I would have loved to, but there was no earthly way I could. All I could do was lie there. I was conscious but barely, for no one seemed to be making any sense to me, at all.

I just kept looking up. That was all I could do, was keep looking up. Now, I saw nothing in particular, just the ceiling, but my attitude was one of  'keep looking up,' no matter what else happens, 'keep looking up.'

They kept saying get up, get up, and eventually, slowly, I was able to raise myself and get up to my feet. But I lay there a long time, trying to figure out what happened and why it happened and will I ever be able to move again. But I was no better able to make sense of a senseless situation, than a man in the moon. It did not make sense, he hit me way to hard, to make sense of an incident like this.

But my husband was called and came into town from Many Farms and took me to the Hospital. They x-ray'ed me and said, my Humerus was cracked but not broken. But the ligaments would take a long time to heal. They put my arm in a sling and sent me home with pain pills. And believe me, I ate them like candy. When one has a horrendously, terrible, no good can come of this, strangely bad for me, truly, awful day, complete, without pleasure, or not even feeling good, once.

As I think about this day, one never forgets the uselessness of a situation such as this. It was senseless to me, and no way was it enlightening or understandable. No one, could get the slightest enjoyment out of doing this dastardly deed, for any reason, I figured, if so they were truly warped. It almost killed me, my heart pained me exceedingly great, for a long while. Even today I still have residues of pain, from ligaments, twisted to go in places, they should not go. Even today, I still feel hurt occasionally, over this.

I tell you all of this, to show  you, there are moments in our lives when we cannot understand, WHY(especially concerning bad events), no matter how we try, unless something changes to bring it about years later.

The most obvious point, learned for me, was the one of  'LOOKING UP.' At that point in my life I did not desire to look up, I desired anything, but an attitude that was a 'POSITIVE ONE.' No where or no how, can anyone say, this was a positive experience, yet here I was, looking up and onward. My dear people that is because, there is nothing left to do, but to look up from a supine position and forward.

Forward to the day, there is understanding, even if I have to go, to the  Temple to find it, like David did, who said, "I was envious of the sinner until I went into the Temple, and saw their end." Not a direct quote, but you get the jest of it all.

Now on to another day such as this one, only totally different feelings attached to it. It was a rather pleasant day, truly enjoyable to all, it was awesome, a day of good, and happiness and joy and wonderment, a day complete in Love. I was with my son, Ruben and his wife Michelle. We had gone up to spend New Years Eve with them in Terrell, Texas. That night, we all went out to the drive way across the street to set off fire crackers at Midnight. It was a rather pleasant day, truly enjoyable to all, it was awesome, a day of good, and happiness and joy and wonderment, a day complete in Love.

I LOOK UP  at the firecrackers going off, and WOW, THEY WERE AMAZING. As I look up, my eyes are looking at the sky and my eyes, are following, a firecracker, trying to see far enough back, to watch it explode and I start backing up in order to see it, and I found myself leaning over backwards, more and more until, I find myself falling backwards, farther and farther and Wamm, falling right into a ditch.

Now I had a puffy coat on, so I will say, my fall on the ground was buffeted somewhat but hard anyway, so I just kinda felt me hit the ditch, without too much damage to my back, but my hand was out reaching for something to stop my fall, and it found it all right. I hit the top of the drainage ditch pipe which had a jagged edge and whammed it bad, cutting my finger. Now it turned rather serious really fast. All of a sudden it was hurting. So Michelle took me into the house and bandaged me up, it was not stitch-able material so I got off pretty lucky.

But back to the ditch, I was supine upon my back again, looking up at the Stars. I thought this is a weird way to start the New Years. Flat on my Back.
Then I remembered thinking, my attitude had changed from 'no way could this be happening to me,' to 'WHY NOT ME. WHO BETTER TO REALIZE, WHEN ONE IS FLAT ON ONE'S BACK, THERE IS NOTHING LEFT TO DO, BUT LOOK UP AND FORWARD.

And that my people is what I did. I HAD BEEN WORRYING ABOUT WHERE & HOW & WHEN & WHO, do we move back so as to be closer to everybody or not. Or do we just stick it out and let life happen. But at least, now I was approaching it from a POSITIVE POSITION. I realized it is a great way to start the NEW YEARS. As David says, "I LIFT UP MY EYES TO THE HILLS---WHERE DOES MY HELP COME FROM? MY HELP COMES FROM THE LORD, THE MAKER OF HEAVEN AND EARTH.",(Psalm 121:1-2)WHEN YOUR LOOKING FOR HELP FROM THE HILLS, YOU DEFINITELY GOTTA BE LOOKING UP.

So it's all a matter of attitude. Pain or Agony or a Terrible Cross to Bear, or Joy, and Pleasure and Fun Times Galore, and Love immense. IT'S ALL A MATTER OF YOUR ATTITUDE.  Sometimes we got to be put on our backs to look up.
Better yet! Look up without it. Leave the supine position for sex.
Love Nina 
Later more later

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